


Coworkers Don't Need To Get Along

by Legendawson



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Love/Hate, M/M, Slight hint of past Strahm/Perez, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:09:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9832259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendawson/pseuds/Legendawson
Summary: Erickson locks Strahm and Hoffman in a room together until they can learn to get along and they get into a lot of shenanigans along the way





	

"This really isn't necessary. Coworkers don't need to get along"   
Peter Strahm and Mark Hoffman have hated each other for a long time. But lately it's gotten worse, one of them barely says two words and the other is already up in their face screaming   
"In normal circumstances, I would agree with you, but your feud with each other is getting in the way of solving cases and frankly, making everyone uncomfortable with your constant screaming matches over something as simple as favorite animals" Erickson said through the door   
"HE DOESN'T LIKE DOGS! WHAT KIND OF EVIL PERSON DOESN'T LIKE DOGS? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF EVIL PERSON, JIGSAW APPRENTICES, SOMETHING HOFFMAN JUST HAPPENS TO BE" Strahm yelled   
They heard sighing and walking   
Strahm and Hoffman were, against their will, locked in a room together until they could work through their issues and become civil with one another  
"Treating us like we're fucking children" Hoffman rolls his eyes   
"Are you kidding? This is what you do for a living except that's 10 times worse. You kidnap innocent people and put them in traps" Strahm said irritably   
Hoffman scoffed "you don't know what you're talking about, so mind your own fucking business"  
"It's my fucking job, and yours I may add, to find the jigsaw killer. So yeah it's kinda my business" Strahm shot back   
"You're just like Amanda, so annoying, too stubborn, won't mind your own fucking business" Hoffman mumbled   
"Amanda, as in Amanda Young, aka jigsaws other apprentice?" Strahm says interested, not screaming at Hoffman for the first time since they've been stuck in there  
"Fuck off" Hoffman said   
"This is why I can't fucking stand you! You're the one who brought it up! If you don't want to talk about it, don't fucking say it in the first place!" Strahm spat  
"You know why I can't fucking stand you? I can't fucking stand you because you nag me! nah nag nag! You nag me about my messy car, nag me about jigsaw, nag me about fucking movies! Nag nag nag! You know what else I fucking hate about you? Ever since we were forced to be partners after Lindsey's death, all you do is bitch and bitch about how you'll never love again, and that's fucking fine at first, but you still whine about it ever damn day! It's been 8 months, Strahm! Get over it already!" Hoffman yelled without stopping to take a breath   
"Don't fucking talk about her! Don't fucking say her name ever again! You're not worthy enough to fucking say her name! You're just jealous because you've never been loved!" Strahm screamed   
There was a long silence & Strahm & Hoffman's faces were an inch apart while they were breathing heavy from all the yelling   
Hoffman just walks to the other side of the room and sits down without another word.  
Strahm walks over to the table and just lays down on top of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can't believe our boss put us in a fucking jigsaw trap" Strahm said after 30 minutes of silence   
Hoffman scoffed "yeah you wish the traps were this easy"  
"I'm hungry, is Erickson going to bring us lunch or has he already forgotten about us?" Strahm whined   
"For once, I agree with you, we gotta find a way to get someone to bring us food" Hoffman said   
"Do you have a plan?" Strahm asked   
"I always have a plan" Hoffman said  
Strahm smiled authentically "Lay it on me"   
"If we want to get out of here, we just have to pretend we don't hate each other anymore" Hoffman explained   
"Smartest idea you've ever had" Strahm smiled deviously   
"Right? It'll be easy" Hoffman said picking up the phone and dialing Ericksons office number  
"Put it on speaker" Strahm whispered   
Hoffman nodded   
"Erikson" is all their boss said when he answered   
"Hoffman & I, we're all good now, can you come let us out?" Strahm said trying to be serious while Hoffman was trying to stifle a giggle  
A sigh was heard through the phone "what do you guys think I am? A fucking idiot?"  
Strahm giggled as Hoffman mimicked Ericksons words   
"There's a fucking camera in that room, I know you two are just saying everything is ok so I'll let you out. Guess what, it's not working" Erickson said   
"Goodbye" Erickson said   
"Erickson, Erickson, wait, will you bring us something to eat?" Hoffman asked   
There was a long sigh followed by mumbling "What do you guys want to eat?"  
"Uh pizza?" Strahm suggested   
Hoffman nodded and added "Pepperoni and sausage!"   
Before Erickson could respond Strahm hung up and started cracking up and then Hoffman followed suit   
"What are we laughing about?" Strahm laughed out   
"I don't know what you're laughing at, but I'm laughing at your dumbass laugh" Hoffman giggled  
The door flung open and Rigg walked in with a box of pizza in his hands "Erickson made me bring this to you guys cause he didn't wanna deal with your shit right now"   
Rigg sat the pizza on the table and walked out and relocked the door   
"I can't believe Erickson actually got us pizza" Strahm said   
"Yeah, you wouldn't stop laughing!" Hoffman teased   
"Me? You're the one who was mocking Erickson and making me laugh!" Strahm said elbowing Hoffman   
"Erikson was being a hardass, as per usual" Hoffman said   
They started stuffing their face full of pizza   
"Stop hogging it, pig!" Strahm teased   
"Me? You're the one hogging it!" Hoffman exclaimed   
Strahm couldn't help giggling 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Shush" Hoffman said   
"Hm?" Strahm mumbled while eating  
"You're chewing loud" Hoffman said   
"So? I can't help it" the irritableness slowly coming back into Strahm's voice as he talked with his mouthful   
"Don't talk with your mouthful" Hoffman mumbled   
"And you say that I'm the one who nags you!" Strahm yelled   
"I'm not nagging you I'm just saying-" Hoffman started   
"You're not nagging me? No? than what are you doing?" Strahm cut him off   
"This is exactly why we can't be friends! You're such a fucking hardass, just like Erickson!" Hoffman yelled   
"I'm being a hardass? Me? What the fuck do you think you're being?" Strahm yelled   
Now they were standing up, in each other's faces like usual.  
Strahm picked up the uneaten pizza still laying on his plate and shoved it in Hoffman's face   
"You motherfucker!" Hoffman yelled grabbing pizza and shoving it right back in Strahm's face   
Strahm grabbed more pizza and Hoffman ran away but Strahm trapped him against the wall and shoved the pizza in his hair.  
Strahm's body was shoved up against Hoffman's body while they just stood breathing deeply.  
Strahm leaned forward and kissed Hoffman's pizza covered lips.   
When Strahm pulled away Hoffman gasped and they were still standing in the same position but didn't say anything for a few minutes  
"I'm sorry about how I talked about Lindsey and her death so... insensitively" Hoffman apologized in a whisper, like it was a secret   
"I'm sorry I said that you've never been loved" Strahm apologized in a whisper identical to Hoffman's   
"It's true" Hoffman continued whispering   
Strahm shook his head, put his hand on Hoffman's cheek, and pulled him into another kiss   
After they broke the kiss Hoffman started laughing   
"What's so funny?" Strahm asked laughing along anyway   
"You're covered in pizza" Hoffman giggled   
"So are you!" Strahm laughed   
"You started it!" Hoffman exclaimed   
Strahm leaned his sauce covered forehead against Hoffman's   
"Kinky" Strahm snorted 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erickson sat in his office watching what Strahm & Hoffman were doing on his computer   
"Son of a bitch" Erickson sighed as he saw Strahm & Hoffman having sex and sighed even harder when his computer froze when he tried to close the tab   
"Son of a bitch" Erickson said as he tore at his hair   
He picked up his phone and called the phone in the room Strahm & Hoffman was in. It went to voicemail right away  
Erickson signed into the phone loudly "When you two are done having sex, clean up! and then I'll let you guys come out"   
Erickson slammed the phone down and cussed for a few minutes   
"The shit I have to deal with"


End file.
